Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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