If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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