he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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