I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
