I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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