just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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