Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
