So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
