i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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