if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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