I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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