I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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