I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
