"it" just moved
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
