im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was like eating out sand paper
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize