Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
