I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
