every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
