My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
