He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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