Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
