carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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