she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
how drunk are you?
Several
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
