Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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