Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
