Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
