I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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