You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
