Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
