i think my tv is drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
