Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize