I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
