Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
