addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
