Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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