Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
