I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
