grandma shit on top of the toilet
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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