i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
