y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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