bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize