I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
