I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
