I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Found the puke drawer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
