She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
