Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
