you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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