You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
