Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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