I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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