I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
