A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
