Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
