Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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