I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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