If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
