Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
