the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
