The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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