Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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