I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
