Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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