i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize