am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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