Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
