My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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