if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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