I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
false alarm. still invincible.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
