so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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