Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
