i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
