M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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