she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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