Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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