Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
