Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
